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Dear *|FNAME|*,
Let’s get heart-to-heart today and talk about the other half of your baby.
While you have the exquisite, wild task of physically growing a whole new human from the inside out, your experience creates a magical mystery that your baby’s father can never truly feel firsthand. No matter the dynamic of your relationship, he will always, by nature of biology, have a window view of the process.
But what he feels, what he thinks, how he processes, and the choices he makes are just as valid and incredibly important as you prepare for your baby’s birth.
Today, I want to look through that window and discuss birth entirely from Dad’s point of view. I want to share a few stories with you, because they show just how diverse, complex, and powerful the birthing landscape can be for your partner.
** Four Windows Into Fatherhood
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(Please note: I have changed names to protect privacy, but these snapshots all come from real, raw conversations I have had with dads over the years.)
Tim grew up in a family that was not afraid of birth. With four younger siblings, he was used to hearing birth stories from both home and hospital settings. But he didn’t think too much about his own role until he and his wife were expecting their first. His wife knew exactly what she wanted, and while they talked often, Tim still felt entirely out of his element. As the due date approached, a quiet nervousness set in. He was relieved that competent professionals were in charge, but when the Big Day arrived, he felt torn. He wanted to finish a final work project so he could mentally check out and be present, but he was simultaneously panicking about whether he was ready. Because she was in early labor, he opted to wrap up his job. Just as he was finishing, his wife called—desperately demanding he hurry. In a pure panic, Tim flew home, arriving just in time. He went straight to her, physically working with her as their baby was born. Afterward, Tim felt like he was walking on clouds. The
experience was so much more than he could have ever imagined. He was in total shock and awe, so happy to be a dad that he wanted to shout it from the rooftops so everyone else could feel his joy, too.
Photo found on Bay City Doulas (https://baycitydoulas.com/celebrating-fatherhood-how-postpartum-doulas-support-dads/)
Eric was a lot less connected to the emotional side of his wife’s pregnancy. He wanted the absolute best care for her, willingly paying for a doula to support her alongside the medical team. He did a mountain of research, asked endless questions, and meticulously helped her follow nutritional guidelines at the end of the pregnancy. But his support showed up as logistical protection rather than emotional intimacy. His wife was shy and soft-spoken, and Eric felt he needed to speak for her, making decisions when she seemed unsure. When labor started, he called the doula early, relying heavily on her to hold the emotional space. Eric tried to stay present the entire time, but as the intensity rose, he became deeply upset and worried—he felt completely stripped of control. He was incredibly relieved when the baby finally arrived, feeling a wave of pride that he had the cord blood kit ready to go at the exact right moment.
Derek and his wife had their first baby in a hospital, and it wasn’t at all what he expected. Watching the clinical interventions his wife underwent left him with a deep conviction that there had to be a better way. When they expected their second, they decided to completely change course and birth at home. Because they lived in a very rural area with limited access to midwifery support, they researched independently. Derek felt a profound confidence that he could protect and help his wife, and they chose an unassisted home birth. Derek went on to assist his wife through several more freebirths at home. He describes those experiences as sacred and divine, and he speaks of his wife in the most reverent, breathless tones whenever he recalls the births of his children.
https://www.facebook.com/monetnicolebirths/photos/a.790494111023246.1073741829.790001944405796/1149787505093903/?type=3&theater
Photo found on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/monetnicolebirths/photos/a.790494111023246.1073741829.790001944405796/1149787505093903/?type=3&theater) – photographer credit given to Jennifer Mason (https://www.jennifermasonphotography.com/birth-photography-gallery)
Shane was a nervous wreck around birth. He could logically wrap his head around the concept of women birthing, but he felt utterly out of place the moment his wife went into labor. With each birth, his initial response was always a spike of adrenaline and panic. The birth is here, and I’m not ready. He needed time to think, to process, to get things in order—even when everything was already perfectly ready. He needed a distraction, a task, a job to do. But eventually, as labor progressed into the deeper stages, the panic would break. Somewhere within himself, Shane would find the exact connection his wife needed. He would find his space in the birth as a strong, physical anchor for her to lean into. The moment she explicitly needed his strength, his anxious energy settled, and he could channel his power into something useful.
** Breaking the Silence
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This is just the tip of the iceberg. It is often incredibly difficult for men and dads to open up and talk about their side of the birthing experience. Cultural taboos, a lack of vocabulary for deep emotional processing, and the intensely feminine energy of the birthing room can feel off-putting or discouraging for men.
And yet, when these conversations are unlocked, it completely transforms the experience for both parents, weaving a much stronger bond into the very foundation of the family.
Over the next couple of weeks, we are going to dive deeper into practical ways to engage dad in birth preparation. We will explore how to open up those potentially uncomfortable conversations around expectations and fears in a way that ensures both partners feel heard, validated, and understood.
** Supporting the ones who hold the space
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I want to veer a little off-topic here to share a practice update about an upcoming project very close to my heart. Beginning June 30, I am hosting a virtual, 4-week Peer-to-Peer Learning Series: Birth Trauma Witnessing & Support. (https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trauma-informed-peer-support-series-for-birthworkers-tickets-1990203507265?aff=oddtdtcreator&keep_tld=true)
This is designed specifically for people who work with birth. If you have a care provider you love—your midwife, OB/GYN, doula, childbirth educator, pelvic floor therapist, or a nurse you know who works in labor and delivery—I would be so grateful if you shared this information with them.
Running on Tuesdays from June 30 through July 21 (11:00 AM – 1:00 PM), this intensive is a supportive space for birthworkers to unpack the heavy layers of their roles. We will be talking about
* the power of presence,
* how to distinguish between what is “normal” versus what is just “common” in birth care,
* the neurobiology of trauma,
* and how to navigate secondary trauma so they don’t burn out.
It’s an integrated approach meant to help them support clients who are white-knuckling through fear, while giving the birthworkers tools to sustain their own heart-work.
They can find all the details, pricing tiers, and registration info right here:Trauma-Informed Peer Support Series for Birthworkers (https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trauma-informed-peer-support-series-for-birthworkers-tickets-1990203507265) .
** Out and About in the Community
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If you are looking for places to connect, learn, or support our birth community in June, here is where you can find me:
* June 20 | Donuts with Doulas: Hosted by the WOMB Initiative from 10 AM to 12 PM. Come and enjoy donuts, meet local area doulas, and learn more about how a doula supports families. It is a wonderful, lighthearted way to show support for the birthing community and meet other local families. Learn more and RSVP here. (https://www.wombinitiative.org/event-details/doulas-donuts)
* June 30| Peer to Peer Learning Series: Beginning June 30 through July 21, I am offering a Peer to Peer Learning Series: Birth Trauma Witnessing & Support (https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trauma-informed-peer-support-series-for-birthworkers-tickets-1990203507265?aff=oddtdtcreator) . This is a virtual, 4-week intensive designed specifically for perinatal birth workers (doulas, midwives, nurses, OBs, and mental health professionals) who are holding space for clients with fear or trauma around their birthing experiences. Over four Tuesdays from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM, we will dive deep into the power of presence, neurobiology of trauma, and preventing secondary burnout so you can sustain this heartwork. You can find more details and secure your spot on the website: Two Hearts Healing Upcoming Events. (https://twoheartshealing.info/events/trauma-informed-peer-support-series-for-birthworkers/)
* July 15 | Want your hands back?: I will be at the Conway Public Library in partnership with IBCLC Danielle Woods of Valley Woods Lactation (https://www.valleywoodslactation.com/services) for a free hands-on babywearing demonstration. We will cover the benefits of babywearing, how to use a variety of wraps, and what wraps and positions work best at which ages and for which activities. Event listing (https://twoheartshealing.info/events/want-your-hands-back/)
https://www.wombinitiative.org/event-details/doulas-donuts
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trauma-informed-peer-support-series-for-birthworkers-tickets-1990203507265?aff=oddtdtcreator&keep_tld=true
** Taking the First Step Together
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You don’t have to navigate alone. If you feel like you are struggling to find your place or dissolve the anxiety in your motherhood journey, let’s start with a simple, quiet connection.
I offer a 15-minute Discovery Call (https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=33984276&appointmentType=70964149) —a completely free, no-pressure space dedicated entirely to you. It is a moment for us to pause together and see if our hearts are a good match for your healing journey.
What to expect in our 15 minutes:
* Your Story: I want to hear what you need most right now. Whether it’s about your family life, your daily work, or the message your body is sending you, I am here to listen.
* Connection: I’ll share how the Body Code and my professional expertise can specifically support your unique situation.
* Moving Forward: If it feels like a “yes” in your heart, we’ll talk about the next steps to get you back to feeling like yourself again.
You don’t have to figure out the whole path at once. Today is for taking the first step.
Free Discovery Call (https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=33984276&appointmentType=70964149)
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